In Memoriam MARIE FARRELL BILLINGS February 18, 1946 - January 6, 2003 St. Joseph Basilica, Alameda, California January 11, 2003 -----------------------------------------------------------

MARIE FARRELL BILLINGS LOVINGLY REMEMBERED During a life suddenly, unexpectedly, and tragically cut short by a massive brain hemorrhage, Marie overcame myriad horrendous physical and psychological difficulties and, in the end, was rewarded with a happy death. She fought breast cancer six years ago and won. She finally found successful treatment for disfiguring acne which had plagued her since her early teens. She underwent repeated surgeries for excruciatingly painful foot problems resulting from genetic anomalies and childhood polio. She mastered the ravages of bipolar manic-depressive disorder with the aid of modern therapy and medications. And five years ago, she utterly conquered the demon of alcoholism, the result of earlier unsuccessful attempts to self-medicate her pain. She even surmounted angst of undeserved guilt and shame, the legacy of early unfortunate and uncompassionate indoctrination. She rejoiced in the Catholic Church as a humane community, and her abiding faith in the Almighty was intact. Having resumed taking communion regularly, on her last day, she received the final sacrament. Raised in Hillsborough and holder of a Masters Degree in Educational Administration, Marie taught first grade in San Diego before returning to San Francisco to work with her family in Waters Equipment Co. In recent years she was a docent for Alameda Museum and a member of St. Joseph's Choir and Garden Club. She also revived a life-long love and talent for painting, and enjoyed seeing her work on public exhibition. Marie is survived, and sorely missed, by Tom, her loving husband of 21 years, by step-children Bridget and Bruce, by siblings Richard, Christine, Anita, Antoinette, and Dotty and by five cats and an iguana she rescued and nurtured - Tom, Blue, Shadow, Ally, Doodette, and "Iggy." -----------------------

Memorial Service for MARIE FARRELL BILLINGS Co-Celebrants: Fr. Patrick Crowley, SS.CC. and Fr. Stephen Muth Order of Service "Prelude and Fugue in E flat Major - St. Anne" (Johann Sebastian Bach) - David Howitt, Organ "In My Father's House Are Many Mansions" - Eric Bertelsen Introit: "Drop, Drop Slow Tears" - (Orlando Gibbons) Basilica Choir Welcome - Patrick Gange Processional: "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" (Martin Luther) - Congregation Invocation: Fr. Muth First Reading: "Genesis" 2:18-23 - August Reader III Responsorial: "Shepherd Me O God" - Claudia Spencer Second Reading: "Romans" 6:3-11 - Patrick Gange Gospel Acclamation: "Celtic Alleluia" - Claudia Spencer Gospel: "John" 15:9-17 - Fr. Muth Homily - Fr. Muth Intercessionary Prayers - Fr. Muth Responses - Claudia Spencer Preparation of the Gifts: "Simple Gifts" Audrey Howitt Memorial Acclamations: - (David Howitt) - Alex Ramos "Lamb of God" - (David Howitt) - Alex Ramos Communion: "Lacrymosa" - (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart) Basilica Choir Reflections: Fr. Crowley (for the St. Joseph Community) Dorothy Billings (Marie's sister-in-law) Bridget Bilinski (Marie's step-daughter) Roger Farrell (Marie's uncle and God-father) Susan Schonberg (one of Marie's most special friends) "Farewell of the Bereaved" - (David Haas) - Basilica Choir Dismissal - Fr. Muth "Siahamba" - (Zulu Folk Hymn) - Basilica Choir Recessional: - "Take the Word of God with You as You Go" Carina Kowalewski Postlude: - "Marche en Rondeau" (Marc-Antoine Charpentier) David Howitt, Organ ----------------------------------- FAREWELL OF THE BEREAVED Softly and gently dear departed soul, in our sad memories we do enfold you; and through the coming ages as they roll, our broken hearts will now forever hold you. In our deep grief we sadly let you go, while you make not a sound nor give resistance. Your final journey, which we all will know, now takes you further into the dim distance. Angels to whom the welcome charge is giv'n shall nurture you where now you briefly linger. Our pray'rs upon the earth, like those in heav'n, shall speed you home again unto your Maker. Farewell, but not for long departed friend. Wait patiently for us and do not sorrow. Our time apart shall very quickly end, for we will come and join you on the morrow. Text: Thomas Billings (copyright 2001) Setting: David Haas ------------------------------------ A MIGHTY FORTRESS IS OUR GOD A mighty fortress is our God, Our refuge and redeemer. Through Him alone are good things wrought, And for us all our savior. In times of stress and need, He is our strength indeed. His love our comfort sure. Through Him our souls secure. Above all things he reigneth. Text: Thomas Billings (copyright 2003) Setting: Martin Luther --------------------------------------

WELCOME Good Morning. Welcome to St. Joseph. We are gathered here this morning to acknowledge the untimely death of our dear departed friend, Marie Billings, to celebrate the life she shared with us, and to give comfort to one another in this time of loss. As we grieve this morning, let us be clear that the loss we grieve for is our own loss of Marie's fellowship and not her loss of this often painful earthly life. We are confident that she is now in a far better place than she ever enjoyed during her all too brief 56 years here with us. Truly, she was rewarded with a happy death. Generous to a fault, Marie was a great help to all of her friends. I personally owe her a debt of gratitude that is larger than mere words can possibly describe. I may even owe my life to her. We have already missed her. We miss her now. We will continue to miss her forever. Let us stand now and greet those who are around us. And now, let us join in singing our opening song, "A Mighty Fortress is Our God." You know the music, and the special words written for today are in your hands. --------------------------------- REFLECTIONS OF DOROTHY BILLINGS When Marie joined out family, she showed great interest in all of us. She looked at family pictures and listened enthusiastically to your stories. She always wanted to understand us. I saw that she was a very good listener, not just with us but with everyone she met. She was especially attentive to those with special needs, and I often thought that she was a very good counselor. I was glad that my brother had such a great companion for this many diverse activities, and we will all miss her greatly. --------------------- REFLECTIONS OF BRIDGET BILINSKI I want to say a few words about Marie, my step-mother for more that 20 years. But before I do, my father has asked me to say a few words on his behalf. Thank you, all of you, for being here today, for your kind thoughts, your supportive words, and your many generously helpful acts. As most of you know, Poppa regularly lectors, cantors, and sings in the choir here, and the memorial brick he shares with Marie in the gathering space proclaims "Sing with Joy." Usually very composed in the face of chaos, he would have liked to sing for Marie this morning but in his grief he could not manage to do that and hopes you will understand. In the 20 years of their marriage, there were only three things about which Marie and Poppa regularly disagreed. She was right about one of them and utterly wrong about the other two. Although Marie was 15 years Poppa's junior and he worried constantly about how she would be cared for after his death, Marie had a premonition that she might very well go first, and it turned out she was unexpectedly right about that. Try as he might to reassure her that she had real artistic talent, Marie could never quite bring herself to believe it. The sampling of her works displayed her today evidences how wrong she was on that score. A reproduction of her "Parrot Man" adorns the back of your memorial folder. My personal favorite is "The Elephant." Two of her works that are especially intriguing to me are "Cat-Snake" and "The Lady and the Mirror." And she had a hard time truly believing that she was loved and even expressed the wish that there be no memorial service for her because she doubted that anyone would come. Your presence here this morning is absolute testament to how very wrong, indeed, she was about that. Although it was untimely, Marie died a happy death. In recent years, she had finally made peace with herself about who she was, and who she was becoming, and she had enjoyed a level of comfort far higher than ever before about herself, her life, and her eternity. Thank you, all of you, for everything you have done to help Marie along her way that enabled her, finally, to experience that happy death. ---------------------- A LETTER FROM SUSAN SCHONBERG Dear Marie, I’m sorry I never took the time to tell you in person what I’m going to tell you in this letter. I’m sorry you had to die first before I realized how important it is to appreciate someone fully in life. But if you can hear me at all, I want you to know why it is I felt privileged to call you a friend. I liked so many things about you. It’s important for me to say that, because I don’t dislike many people I know, but I don’t really like very many either… and I really liked you. Not just the good things that everyone surely saw, but all the little things that made you unique and special. You’ll probably roll your eyes wherever you are as I write this, because I know you weren’t much for formalities, but I’m going to put it all down on paper anyway. I hope you won’t mind too much. I liked the way you didn’t care whether or not your coat was covered in cat hair. I used to think it was funny that you wouldn’t take the two minutes it required to remove the fur from your coat, but then one day I realized that it wasn’t important to you. You knew that appearances didn’t matter, and rescuing abused animals was, and so you spent your time giving love to all your critters, and not in worrying about how you looked. And I liked that about you. I liked the way you would call me up, apologizing for missing lunch with me. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, you’d have Tom tell me at practice how sorry you were you missed it. All the while I was laughing, knowing quite well what you apparently didn’t know—that our lunch together was the next day, or the next week, or some point in the future, and that you hadn’t missed it at all. You never wrote anything down. But that’s ok. I liked that about you. I liked the way you once kissed me on the cheek during the sharing of peace at mass, and then apologized for it afterward, thinking you might have offended me somehow. I didn’t need an apology. I thought it was wonderful that someone would do something like that because it reminded me of the years I lived in Argentina where everyone kissed everyone else on the cheek. When I told you that, you told me you had grown accustomed to kissing others during the time you spent in AA, and that you had to stop yourself from kissing others all the time. Most people were uncomfortable with it, you said. I wasn’t, and neither were you. I liked that about you. I liked the way you listened to me talk. A lot of people act like they are listening, but they really don’t. You listened with 110% of your attention, making me feel as though every word I said was a precious gift to you. You always asked so many questions—good questions—as if you truly cared about the answers. And I guess you did care, because you remembered trivial things about me all the time; things I thought I was crazy to tell you because they were so unimportant, but you remembered them all the same. I liked that about you, and I’m sorry I never returned the gift to the same degree. I liked the way you could never go to mass without huge bags full of stuff. I don’t know what was in those bags. I’m not sure you knew either, but whatever they held must have been important, because you always brought them. I teased you once about being the proverbial bag lady, and you held up those bags and shook them, telling me that “this” was who you were. I pointed to your music binder, all disorganized and leaking sheet music like water through a sieve, and reminded you that the binder was you, too. You laughed, agreeing with me completely. Then you told me I could take it or leave it, and I gave you a big hug and told you I’d take it, because I liked you exactly the way you were. I liked the way you sang slightly off-key in choir when you didn’t know the music. I liked the way you laughed at all my jokes, even the really stupid ones. And I liked the way you were willing to laugh with me during both choir rehearsal and mass, earning the scorn of some, but winning me over because unlike so many others, you knew the value of laughter. My heart was always lighter after a few hours sitting next to you. And I liked that about you. I liked that you had a hard time finishing a painting. I remember asking you why you wouldn’t put up The Parrot Man for sale, because I thought it was really good and that you could make some money from it. You told me that you couldn’t, because it was the only one you had finished. I have a hard time finishing projects, too. I have two handfuls of partial manuscripts stuck in my computer, and I doubt I’ll ever finish any of them. I could relate to you artistically, and I liked that about you. Finally, I liked that you had to struggle with addiction in your life; not because I wanted you to suffer—I’d never want that--but because it gave us something else we had in common. I knew something of what you’d been through, and you knew something of what I’d been through, and that was a special bond we had that a lot of people will never understand. And I liked that about you, too. Thank you, Marie. Thank you for all you ever did for me; for being my friend, for inspiring me, for laughing with me. Thank you for being you. May you rest in peace, knowing you made a difference in this world, at least to me. Your loving friend, Susan --------------------------

With heartfelt thanks to all of Marie's friends whose floral arrangements brought color, cheer and love to her memorial service: Bridget and Kaz Bilinski Christine, Rich & Annie Catenzaro Lynn Holt and Patrick Gange Blanche and John Kammer Jessica Miller Fr. Stephen Muth St. Joseph Garden Club Tom, Blue, Shadow, Alley, Doodette, and Iggy Robert, Janice and Odette Dotty Billings Richard Richman and Deborah Toschi Steve Joyce and the Marriott OFS Team Las Vegas Courtyards The Arizona Courtyard Shannon and Staff Scott Blaul and Staff of The Palm Desert Residence Inn John Kaufman and The Marriott Western Regional Team Jan and Brent On Marie's behalf, sincere thanks to all of her friends who made memorial gifts in her name to: East Bay Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Alameda Animal Shelter, Alameda County Community Food Bank Alameda Meals on Wheels, Alameda Midway Shelter, Alameda Museum, St. Joseph Basilica, VNA & Hospice Foundation Alameda Civic Light Opera Board of Directors Celene Davis Skylar Jackson Lawrence and Flora Larson Jo Leitz Liana Matlock Lillian Molzan and George Musso Sylvia Neham Martin Petersen and the Amazeware Staff Uta and Chester Plomgren Susan Reardon Pilar Reyes Joe Rothman Rob and Kelsey Rothrock Tom Stevens and Nick Clear Wanda Thatcher Altarena Theatre Board of Directors Susan Aldrich Alice and Bernard Chalip Doris Neuberger Robin and Bobby Truong Dorothy Karvasales Louis Batmale Bea and Bud Feiman Allison Statz Staff of The Costa Mesa Residence Inn Marriott Corporation Santa Ana Staff Staff of The Camelback Courtyard The Extended Marriott Family - Steve Dawe, Greg Lattin, Suzann Rogers, Noemi Sepulveda, Mary Gleason, Deborah Smith, and Stacy Talbot Jeanne Gallagher Judith Lynch Susan Schonberg Cathy and Noel Folsom And special thanks to those friends who arranged for Masses and Prayers on Marie's behalf: Joanne Harnett Jacqui Hendron Clara and Jack Peralta Francis and Maria Rueca Marie's Memorial Service was attended by almost 200 of her friends and colleagues, many of whom signed their names in her Memorial Book. Most of those names are listed here, but it's clear not everybody signed, and in some cases the signatures could not be read. We regret any and all errors and omissions from this list. Additions and corrections would be most welcome. Please e-mail: herself@marie-billings.com or call Tom Billings at 510-769-2000. Thank you. Debra Albright Susan Aldrich Craig Andrews Laura Bajuk Terry Batmale Wayne Batmale Eric Bertelsen Don Bialik Bridget Bilinski Kaz Bilinski Bruce Billings Dotty Billings Tom Billings Marie Bowers Joanne Brennan Ned Brody Toni Brody Cathy Carlson Greg Carlson Lucy Carlson Rick Carlson Maureen Carroll Ester Cate Annie Catenzaro Christine Catenzaro Richard Catenzaro Carol Chacon Fred Chacon Alice Chalip Jovita Chiron Nick Clear Diane Coler-Dark Fr. Patrick Crowley Celene Davis Eunice de Leon Jimmy de Leon Karen de Robinson Robbie Dileo Tony DiSimone Tom Donato Rose Egbuonu Anita Elfving Deirdre Farrell Joshua Farrell Mary Farrell Rick Farrell Roger Farrell Tom Farris Dick Fletcher Gerry Flood Tony Flood Cathy Folsom Noel Folsom Anne Marie Fourre Lois Frances Jeanne Gallagher Patrick Gange Gregory Gener Linda Gener Nancy Gill Kaye Griffin Joanne Harnett Dottie Hansen Adele Harris Betty Jo Heath Carl Heller Jacqui Hendron Nitza Henig Lynn Holt Audrey Howitt David Howitt Manuel Jasso Blanche Kammer John Kammer Geogiana Keeler Jack Keeler Deanie Kenyon Richard Knight Richard Kolberg Carina Kowalewski Steve Kowalewski Ginny Krutilek Don Landers Flora Larson Jo Leitz Diane Leka Mary Levy Chia Long Kitty Long Joan Lynch Judith Lynch John Maio Mary Ann Maloney Mike Maloney Thom Mantooth Pat Marr Marie Mason David McGaffey Elizabeth McGaffey Bob McPaul Vonnie Merrigan Diana Moore Bert Morgan Pat Morgan Rod Murray Fr. Stephen Muth Susan Naclerio Sylvia Neham Joanne Nelson Doris Neuberger Dorinda Nyland Debra O'Farrell Betty O'Neill Connie Orr Cathy Peinado Clara Peralta Chester Plomgren Jutta Plomgren Barbie Ryan Poole Patrick Powell Carole Prette Alex Ramos Henry Ramos August Reader Lilia Reffith Pilar Reyes Richard Richman Sally Risling Peggy Ritchie Deborah Robbins Kelsey Rothrock Rob Rothrock Francis Rueca Marie Rueca Barbara Ryan Don Ryan Donna Ryan Laura Ryan Mike Ryan Patty Ryan Richard Ryan Walter Schlueter Nicholas Sammartino Ron Santes Shiela Santes Betty Saunders Susan Schonberg Marlene Shawn Denise Shelton Margy Silver Virgil Silver Joe Sinner Melanie Sinner Darlene Skiles Frank Skiles Marge Smith Phil Smith Bridget Snyder Caitlen Sorenson Claudia Spencer Sue Spiersch Beverly Splan Tom Stevens Cath Sullivan Bertha Swedio Audrey Tarver Wanda Thatcher Eugenie Thomson Deborah Toschi Bobby Truong Robin Ryan Truong Denise Arocha Varga Dennis P. Velew Archie Waterberry Natalie Zorovic